A Slice of Humble Pie: Starting Over Again in My Practice
by Kiki Lovelace
I just finished my first “real” yoga practice in over two months since my daughter was born. And by real, I mean twenty-five minutes of gentle postnatal yoga — mostly breathing and stretching exercises on the floor — followed by ten minutes of Savasana. The word “humbled” kept coming to me. I felt how alien my breathing was, how numb my low belly is, how weak I feel in my arms and legs, and how stiff and tight I am all over.
I’m starting over.
I have all the trepidations and resistance and fears I see in my new students. The thoughts tumble around… Will I be able to do it? Will I make a fool of myself? How will I be able to fit it in to my schedule? Will I ever be strong and flexible again?
I feel scared.
But my mat keeps whispering to me to come back. I remember the lightness I’ve felt moving with my deep breathing as my guide, that internal pharmacopeia of feel-good hormones coursing through me, that feeling of WOO-HOO when I overcome an “I can’t” story and do or feel something that surprises me. I’ve noticed lately how I’m less resilient in the face of stress (this might be related to the four or five hours of nightly sleep I’ve been getting lately, but still). I know in my bones how my practice will help me ease my anxieties and shift into present-time realities rather than the disaster mind that keeps creeping in.
I feel humble. I feel scared. I feel ready. I take a deep breath.